Karrin Murphy, Chicago PD (SI)

What is something that your partner has done that has made you happy lately?

He ... doesn't look when I cry.

I know, I know, it doesn't sound like much. At all, really.

I hate crying. There are many ways I've grown to try to distance myself from girly things - for my work, for who I am. And crying is just another sign of weakness. I can't afford to be weak, not in a world where everybody's bigger than me, probably stronger than me, more savage than me. Tears are a signal that I have reached a point where pressure applied can break me, and I hate acknowledging that I have those.

But sometimes, I do cry. I hate admitting it, but it's true. I'm not made of ice, my heart's right where it should be, and sometimes it's stronger than even my will to keep my cool. Most of the time that happens when I'm alone, but sometimes it's not. And most people would try to comfort me or help me or make me stop. Something.

Harry doesn't. He looks away.

He looks away even if I'm leaning against him at the time, as I was when we were standing by Kincaid fighting for his life.

It makes me feel a little less vulnerable right when I'm most so. Maybe it's just that generally he's among the very, very few men - make that people, actually - who don't try to take advantage of me when they have an opening. Yeah, he'll fight me fair and square when he wants something. But not when I'm down and hurting. He's a gentleman like that.

Probably one can say he's not making me happy with that. Stow it. He makes me less unhappy, and that does mean an awful lot to me.

Muse: Karrin Murphy
Fandom: The Dresden Files
Word count: 288

20: Consulting Detective:
He's tall, and angular, and fast; and he is good people. And he dares to dabble with the scary crowd so those who don't have the power to stand against it can sleep safe and sound at home. He closes cases and his heart's in the right place. He's good for a banter session too, and whenever he does show for practices, he concentrates and does well. He's a good fighter. A fair teacher. A protector.

But oh so often the thing she wants most is to hit him upside the head. Even if it's quite a reach for her.

( Gloves )

( Stiletto )

( 50drabbles claim table )

What the Beach Test Says About You

You tend to be a very social person. You live for your friends and family. You can get social burnout occasionally though. You aren't a total extrovert. You have cold feet when it comes to love. You have a lot of uncertainty until you convince yourself to dive right in. You are an amazingly passionate person. You are passionate about almost everything, and your passion definitely gets you in trouble! Your sense of humor is sarcastic, snarky, and realistic. You're not exactly happy-go-lucky.

Compare your current significant other to your most significant ex. How are they the same, and how are they different?

That'd be Rick, my second ex-husband.

How he and Harry are the same? They aren't. But if you squint, there are similarities.
In both cases, 'he-and-I' were fighting on the same side. Rick works for the FBI, I'm in the Chicago Police, and Dresden's a private investigator who's helping us out. For a fee, of course, but free things are only as good as they cost.
Both can be chauvinistic pigs at times, too. And I... well, I didn't marry Rick without loving him. Or without him loving or wanting me. And I'm not sure in the long run I'd be able to do better with Harry than I did with Rick.
I can freak out if either of them gets hurt, and both of them do.

But that's... about it. Rick's a bully, and Harry hates bullies. Rick can do well with mind-fuckery and pressuring somebody he considers guilty - even when he doesn't really have proof! - while Harry'll take the information, find out the guilt, and if there's even a bit of hope, he'll give the option, give the way out, if he can. He'll make the wall softer, so the situation can be saved, whereas Rick will gladly press people to the wall, and shoot them, without looking deeper.

Hah, both have tried to keep me away from the real work.

I tried to make it work with Rick, I really did. But he thought staying at home to mind the house, maybe one day the children, was right for me. And he still does, years after we parted ways. Well, I'm still doing my job. Closing cases. Keeping people safer. Even if he won't believe it.

While Dresden... Dresden tried to keep me away from the scary stuff, because it's big and scary, and he didn't think I could handle it.
But hell, he got the idea eventually - that I can handle it, and can back him up, and that's the only way I will accept things. Sure, I want family, and kids, and all that. But I won't give up trying to keep them safe. He can joke and stereotype and expect stuff from me 'cause I'm short, I'm a girl, and I'm a cop, and whatever else about me strikes his fancy (OK, and picking fights with people who aren't in my category!) but when it comes down to actually doing stuff, he knows I'll be there and do it.
He's accepted who I am. Hell, he probably knows who I am way better than Rick ever would permit his narrow, stupid self to.

Oh, and Rick married my baby sister. Who is eleven years younger than me. Yes, that's right, after he'd been married to me, and divorced.

I'm just saying that Harry's smarter and way more honorable than doing something of the kind, and let's just leave it at that.

Muse: Karrin Murphy
Fandom: The Dresden Files
Word count: 480

What is unforgivable to you?

That's sort of... relative. I can forgive, but I can't put up with certain things while they're going on, and that's in no uncertain terms. He's had the chance to learn that - he's got a chipped tooth to show for it.

Certain things that involve, oh, withholding information from me. Things that his life, my life, and the lives of others may - and usually do - depend on.

Maybe 'unacceptable' is closer to that than 'unforgivable'. Hmm...

I don't know what it would be that I can't forgive Harry. Don't know what I'd do if he started on a crazy killing spree among those we're meant to protect, but I also know him well enough that if that happens, which is highly unlikely, I'd probably think it's something possessing him, or other supernatural crap like that. Which means it's gotta break through his defenses, and that's pretty damn hard. He's resisted a Fae queen and a - as far as I know - fallen angel and remained in control over his actions. More or less. With a few angry outbursts. They didn't get anybody hurt, except for financially, and I chewed him over that anyway. But, I mean, he's been through hell, several times over, and he's made it through. With better sanity than a whole lot of folks would.

Harry's good people. I guess it boils down to that. I trust him to do the right thing. Not enough to let him try do it alone, he needs thug power. As in, me. But he's working in the right direction.

If he did betray that trust... I don't know. Over the last - what, eight years - he's only come close to that once, and he was kind of trying to protect me. Didn't work well, and he learned his lesson. Or rather, he got the memo that I'm sticking around, scary stuff or not. And it's been years since then, enough to show that he's not gonna backslide. If I keep firm, of course.

I've no idea if I could forgive if he betrayed my trust on purpose. I can't conceive of him ever doing that, either, though.

He won't.

Muse: Karrin Murphy
Fandom: The Dresden Files
Word count: 364

My Personality

Neuroticism	45
Extraversion	60
Openness to Experience	29
Agreeableness	5
Conscientiousness	71

You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge, however you are not generally self conscious about yourself. People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You prefer facts over fantasy and are more interested in what is happening in the real word. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report. Chocolate Ugg Boots

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What do you see as the biggest problem you and your significant other are facing in your relationship?

Me, probably. After two divorces, I'm not really... up to a normal relationship. Not right now. And Harry isn't into 'casual' relationships at all.

I mean, I want a family one day. Children. But not right now. And I'm not sure that things will ever be peaceful enough around him to let him relax and... feel content with that.

Oh yeah, there are the monsters. And the other stuff. Vampires, ghouls, werewolves (well, the Alphas are pretty much OK), Sidhe, Fallen angels, tree monsters, you name it. Oh, and Gruffs. I suppose it is a part of the life of a wizard, to have to deal with those, especially right now. And he's a wizard.

I am not. I'm just a police officer.

He's going to live centuries, provided he keeps watching his ass.

I'm not.

That doesn't mean I won't go through fire and ice to make sure he makes it through. Or him for me. Doesn't mean I won't lay my life, my job, my principles, to be there by his side when the going gets rough. Or that I'll pull back banter-punches and let him think he's won too easily. Or that I won't put him to bed, making sure he rests, when he's hurt.

Or that I can really think of my life without him in it.

The biggest problem? I can't give in. But I can't let go either.